Author: Willie Stewart

Have you ever felt the guilt of not expressing your feelings to the one you valued the most? Did you just let it go and tried to forget about it but eventually regret not saying anything? How does it feel to know that you missed the chance of telling that person how much he meant to you? Well, it was devastating. I was always confident about things in life, and the more I get to experience unexpected stress, I tend to pay attention to the situation. However, I felt the need for evaluation when I suddenly heard the awful news.

Continue reading “It Was Just Too Fast”

It was complete mixed emotions after I figured out that my father died two days before my graduation. I developed a strong feeling of sadness that eventually turned into anger. I lost a stable relationship with my friends and family because I shut down communication for about two months. I was in deep pain, and the more I tried pretending that I was okay, the more it hurts.

Continue reading “Overcoming Grief: Counseling Saved Me”

Losing someone you care about will hit so hard that it might even take you a long time to accept. There will be sudden emotions and thoughts that are difficult to control. There will also be regrets and an influx of memories about the person you lost. Then you ask yourself questions you never did before, and all of these will be in your mind for a considerable amount of time. The grief can be mentally damaging, and it will eventually ruin your life if you can’t find ways to deal with it. You have to learn things that can help you accept and understand the process of grief in a more precise way.

Continue reading “Lessons You’ll Never Know Until You Lose A Loved One”

Breaking up with your boo feels like a beloved one has departed for eternity. Who would have thought that all your happy memories would suddenly turn sour? You are not alone; millions of people have experienced the pain of a heartbreak. Many of us have already felt lost and wasted because of it.

The secret to moving on is to take it step by step. Listed below are short everyday practices that you can follow to aid your healing and grieving process.

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Let Yourself Grieve

Put this in your mind every single day: “I will allow myself to heal. I know this will take time, but it will be worth it.” It will not help you as quickly as you want, but it will be your guiding spirit throughout your healing days.

According to Marjie L. Roddick, MA, NCC, LMHC, “Your environment, both your social and natural surroundings, can greatly impact how you feel.” Let yourself grieve and cry all your feelings out. You can listen to sad love songs, write poetry about him or her, and even blog about your experience. It is better that you know how to release these hurtful feelings than keep them and act as if nothing happened.

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Read Inspirational Messages

We get it: you might feel like you do not want to wake up anymore. It’s true. Your boo is not by your side anymore. The chances of your encountering each other will be very slim. The mere thought of this is surely devastating.

So, here’s the deal. The moment you wake up fresh from a breakup, allow yourself to grieve and cry. After that, read quotes and other inspirational messages online. Believe us: there are thousands of that on the Internet. See? You are not alone here.

Talk To Your Friends And Family

During your break time, talk to your best friend or any member of the family about what happened. More often than not, they will side with you. They will help you see the positive side even when you are already drowning in sadness. They will even help you seek hope to start again. “You know the ones—these are the people you know you can always call, text, or email when you need to feel a connection.” David Klow, a licensed therapist once said.

Stop Checking Your Ex’s Social Media

We get that you miss him or her, but does he or she feel the same? Following your ex’s social media accounts will add to that devastating feeling you have right now. You should aim to break free from the hurtful memories of your recently concluded relationship.

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Delete Everything That Reminds You Of Your Ex

If your room is still full of your ex’s stuff, then your chances of moving on quickly are slim. Ask the help of your friends or any close family member to get rid of his or her stuff. Check your closet, your drawers, and even your phone and playlist. Take out everything that reminds you of your past lover.

“Making the decision to enter into treatment requires a commitment to prioritize your mental health and make some significant life changes.” Catherine “Katie” Ness, MA, LCPC said. Do not fool yourself that everything is okay as if nothing happened. Yes, breakups happen to everyone, but it certainly is not just a phase or a feeling that will go away eventually. The pain, if not adequately addressed, will consume you ultimately. Don’t let it turn you into a cold-hearted and isolated person. Take care of yourself because you are beautiful and you are worth it.

Through music, we can freely express our emotions and thoughts without the need to verbalize them. We couldn’t imagine living without it. The good thing about it is not only can it be used for good times’ sake, but it can also be a good company during tough times.

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Expressing Your Feelings In A Creative Way

When you are down, specifically in grief, there are various coping mechanisms you can take. Express your feelings creatively. Putting into words how much pain a loss could cause is challenging. Sometimes it gets even harder to keep a journal or write a letter about how you feel. It is where music comes to the rescue. 

A journal found music has been considered as a way of healing the pain of grief. Any song, may it be with lyrics or just an instrumental, can also help us in getting our message across. Any genre can make us feel different emotions and help us let them all out.

Music therapist and bereavement counselor Molly Hicks testifies music paves the way for people to open up about their memories and the challenges they face. Music can set and even change the mood of anyone in grief. It helps not only patients or grieving clients but also psychologists and therapists. These professionals can better understand how patients are feeling and evaluate how much progress they have made in dealing with grief.

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Healing In Health Care Settings

Researchers found the use of music therapy in health care settings has been remarkably effective. It helps medical professionals in calming the patients, reducing stress, and managing both physical and emotional pain. Research explains music is connected to the pleasure center of our brains, allowing us to release feel-good neurotransmitters. “Listening to music is a helpful way to cope with and process emotions. It can evoke a connection to what individuals feel at different moments in their lives.” Abigail Saneholtz, Psy.D explains.

Studies from various universities across the US also show certain types of music can help with memory and concentration. An improvement in one’s mood has a significant impact on our brains. Music can also reduce people’s subjective experiences of anxiety and its physical symptoms such as high blood pressure and reduced heart rate.

“While music has long been recognized as an effective form of therapy to provide an outlet for emotions, the notion of using song, sound frequencies and rhythm to treat physical ailments is a relatively new domain.” That is according to Daniel J. Levitin, PhD. Multiple studies found listening to music contributed to a significant decline in anxiety and hypertension among patients needing surgery. Psychologists agree that music has the power to enhance our lives and provide physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. It is an integral part of the many transitions in our lives.

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Creating A Music Playlist To Cope With Grief

We listed down tips in picking songs that will help you cope with grief:

• Choose songs that remind of the person you have lost. Any song that brings back a fond memory with your loved one is a great choice.
• Choose songs that have a significant impact on you. These songs include those that hit something in you emotionally.
• Choose songs that reflect your circumstances. These are the songs that help you feel less isolated and realize someone understands what you are going through.
• Choose comforting songs. To cope is to move on in life. Pick songs that you know will ease the pain and make you feel better.

Marla W. Deibler, PsyD once said, “To quell overwhelm, engage in an activity that you enjoy, such as listening to music.” Remember, whatever you are going through in life, there is a song to help you make it through. It may not heal you completely, but you will surely “find some comfort here,” as Sarah McLachlan sings.

When we talk about grief, the focus is, more often than not, on the death and funeral of a loved one. After all, it includes the pain of losing someone very close to you. But in reality, a death anniversary is as heart-breaking as the day you lost a person you love. Regardless of how many years pass after their death, the date on which a person died can be painful because it can bring back the feeling of loss and grief again.

“Understandably, grief is complicated and we sometimes wonder if the pain will ever end. We go through a variety of emotional experiences such as anger, confusion, and sadness.” –Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP

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Stages Of Grief

1. Denial. The first reaction is to deny the reality of the situation. Denial is a common defense mechanism which results from the shock of the loss. We tend to block out the fact and other people.
2. Anger. Once the reality sinks in, anger might start to set in. It’s when people start to have questions like, “Why me?” “How could this happen?” or “Why is life unfair?” You might turn to blame your grief on others.
3. Bargaining. Bargaining is the part where you might make yourself believe that you can avoid the grief through a type of negotiation. You want your life back to how it was before.
4. Depression. It represents the emptiness we feel when the person is gone or the situation is over. You might withdraw from life, feel nothing, and not want to get out of bed. Everything might be just too overwhelming for you.
5. Acceptance. When we come to reach the stage of acceptance, it doesn’t mean we no longer feel the heartache. It only means we are no longer in denial of the reality of our situation and we’re not resisting to make it something different.

How To Deal With An Anniversary Grief

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• Take your time when mourning or grieving over a loss and permit yourself to feel different kinds of emotions. Never hold back if you feel like bawling your eyes out and accept the fact that it is valid, regardless of how long ago it happened. “Everyone grieves differently; there is no right or wrong way and there is no schedule,” says Ashley Curiel, PsyD.
• Draw your relatives and friends closer to you. It may include the people who were close and special to your loved one. In times of pain, you will need a healthy support system.
• Plan a diversion. Whenever you remember your loved one’s death, you can plan or schedule a gathering, a date, or an adventure with your closest friends or relatives.
• Start a new tradition. You can donate to a charitable organization in honor of your loved one’s name. Other ideas can be a tree-planting event, fundraising, or charity run/walk.
• Turn to your faith. If you have a particular religious affiliation, this is the time to seek your heart’s peace and solace through spiritual activities.
• Reminisce the beautiful memories you shared with your loved one. Those beautiful moments with them will last with you forever. Hold on to those and remember the life he or she had instead of thinking over his or her last days.
• Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to be happy too. Slowly learn to move on, and free yourself from the pain which you will eventually figure out.

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“The experience of losing someone we love is a process most everyone endures in a lifetime,” explains Annie Vaughn, MA, LMHC. There is no “correct” way to grieve. Each of us is unique, and not everyone has the same range of emotions. We do things differently to overcome this kind of heartbreak. However, grieving over the death of a loved one is necessary for us to move on. It is a natural human process, after all.