Lessons You’ll Never Know Until You Lose A Loved One

Losing someone you care about will hit so hard that it might even take you a long time to accept. There will be sudden emotions and thoughts that are difficult to control. There will also be regrets and an influx of memories about the person you lost. Then you ask yourself questions you never did before, and all of these will be in your mind for a considerable amount of time. The grief can be mentally damaging, and it will eventually ruin your life if you can’t find ways to deal with it. You have to learn things that can help you accept and understand the process of grief in a more precise way.

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Short Daily Practices To Move On From Heartbreak

Breaking up with your boo feels like a beloved one has departed for eternity. Who would have thought that all your happy memories would suddenly turn sour? You are not alone; millions of people have experienced the pain of a heartbreak. Many of us have already felt lost and wasted because of it.

The secret to moving on is to take it step by step. Listed below are short everyday practices that you can follow to aid your healing and grieving process.

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Let Yourself Grieve

Put this in your mind every single day: “I will allow myself to heal. I know this will take time, but it will be worth it.” It will not help you as quickly as you want, but it will be your guiding spirit throughout your healing days.

According to Marjie L. Roddick, MA, NCC, LMHC, “Your environment, both your social and natural surroundings, can greatly impact how you feel.” Let yourself grieve and cry all your feelings out. You can listen to sad love songs, write poetry about him or her, and even blog about your experience. It is better that you know how to release these hurtful feelings than keep them and act as if nothing happened.

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Read Inspirational Messages

We get it: you might feel like you do not want to wake up anymore. It’s true. Your boo is not by your side anymore. The chances of your encountering each other will be very slim. The mere thought of this is surely devastating.

So, here’s the deal. The moment you wake up fresh from a breakup, allow yourself to grieve and cry. After that, read quotes and other inspirational messages online. Believe us: there are thousands of that on the Internet. See? You are not alone here.

Talk To Your Friends And Family

During your break time, talk to your best friend or any member of the family about what happened. More often than not, they will side with you. They will help you see the positive side even when you are already drowning in sadness. They will even help you seek hope to start again. “You know the ones—these are the people you know you can always call, text, or email when you need to feel a connection.” David Klow, a licensed therapist once said.

Stop Checking Your Ex’s Social Media

We get that you miss him or her, but does he or she feel the same? Following your ex’s social media accounts will add to that devastating feeling you have right now. You should aim to break free from the hurtful memories of your recently concluded relationship.

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Delete Everything That Reminds You Of Your Ex

If your room is still full of your ex’s stuff, then your chances of moving on quickly are slim. Ask the help of your friends or any close family member to get rid of his or her stuff. Check your closet, your drawers, and even your phone and playlist. Take out everything that reminds you of your past lover.

“Making the decision to enter into treatment requires a commitment to prioritize your mental health and make some significant life changes.” Catherine “Katie” Ness, MA, LCPC said. Do not fool yourself that everything is okay as if nothing happened. Yes, breakups happen to everyone, but it certainly is not just a phase or a feeling that will go away eventually. The pain, if not adequately addressed, will consume you ultimately. Don’t let it turn you into a cold-hearted and isolated person. Take care of yourself because you are beautiful and you are worth it.

How Music Helps In Overcoming Grief

Through music, we can freely express our emotions and thoughts without the need to verbalize them. We couldn’t imagine living without it. The good thing about it is not only can it be used for good times’ sake, but it can also be a good company during tough times.

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Expressing Your Feelings In A Creative Way

When you are down, specifically in grief, there are various coping mechanisms you can take. Express your feelings creatively. Putting into words how much pain a loss could cause is challenging. Sometimes it gets even harder to keep a journal or write a letter about how you feel. It is where music comes to the rescue. 

A journal found music has been considered as a way of healing the pain of grief. Any song, may it be with lyrics or just an instrumental, can also help us in getting our message across. Any genre can make us feel different emotions and help us let them all out.

Music therapist and bereavement counselor Molly Hicks testifies music paves the way for people to open up about their memories and the challenges they face. Music can set and even change the mood of anyone in grief. It helps not only patients or grieving clients but also psychologists and therapists. These professionals can better understand how patients are feeling and evaluate how much progress they have made in dealing with grief.

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Healing In Health Care Settings

Researchers found the use of music therapy in health care settings has been remarkably effective. It helps medical professionals in calming the patients, reducing stress, and managing both physical and emotional pain. Research explains music is connected to the pleasure center of our brains, allowing us to release feel-good neurotransmitters. “Listening to music is a helpful way to cope with and process emotions. It can evoke a connection to what individuals feel at different moments in their lives.” Abigail Saneholtz, Psy.D explains.

Studies from various universities across the US also show certain types of music can help with memory and concentration. An improvement in one’s mood has a significant impact on our brains. Music can also reduce people’s subjective experiences of anxiety and its physical symptoms such as high blood pressure and reduced heart rate.

“While music has long been recognized as an effective form of therapy to provide an outlet for emotions, the notion of using song, sound frequencies and rhythm to treat physical ailments is a relatively new domain.” That is according to Daniel J. Levitin, PhD. Multiple studies found listening to music contributed to a significant decline in anxiety and hypertension among patients needing surgery. Psychologists agree that music has the power to enhance our lives and provide physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. It is an integral part of the many transitions in our lives.

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Creating A Music Playlist To Cope With Grief

We listed down tips in picking songs that will help you cope with grief:

  • Choose songs that remind of the person you have lost. Any song that brings back a fond memory with your loved one is a great choice.
  • Choose songs that have a significant impact on you. These songs include those that hit something in you emotionally.
  • Choose songs that reflect your circumstances. These are the songs that help you feel less isolated and realize someone understands what you are going through.
  • Choose comforting songs. To cope is to move on in life. Pick songs that you know will ease the pain and make you feel better.

Marla W. Deibler, PsyD once said, “To quell overwhelm, engage in an activity that you enjoy, such as listening to music.” Remember, whatever you are going through in life, there is a song to help you make it through. It may not heal you completely, but you will surely “find some comfort here,” as Sarah McLachlan sings.

Coping During A Loved One’s Death Anniversary

When we talk about grief, the focus is, more often than not, on the death and funeral of a loved one. After all, it includes the pain of losing someone very close to you. But in reality, a death anniversary is as heart-breaking as the day you lost a person you love. Regardless of how many years pass after their death, the date on which a person died can be painful because it can bring back the feeling of loss and grief again.

“Understandably, grief is complicated and we sometimes wonder if the pain will ever end. We go through a variety of emotional experiences such as anger, confusion, and sadness.” –Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP

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Stages Of Grief

  1. Denial. The first reaction is to deny the reality of the situation. Denial is a common defense mechanism which results from the shock of the loss. We tend to block out the fact and other people.
  2. Anger. Once the reality sinks in, anger might start to set in. It’s when people start to have questions like, “Why me?” “How could this happen?” or “Why is life unfair?” You might turn to blame your grief on others.
  3. Bargaining. Bargaining is the part where you might make yourself believe that you can avoid the grief through a type of negotiation. You want your life back to how it was before.
  4. Depression. It represents the emptiness we feel when the person is gone or the situation is over. You might withdraw from life, feel nothing, and not want to get out of bed. Everything might be just too overwhelming for you.
  5. Acceptance. When we come to reach the stage of acceptance, it doesn’t mean we no longer feel the heartache. It only means we are no longer in denial of the reality of our situation and we’re not resisting to make it something different.

How To Deal With An Anniversary Grief

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Source: pixabay.com

 

  • Take your time when mourning or grieving over a loss and permit yourself to feel different kinds of emotions. Never hold back if you feel like bawling your eyes out and accept the fact that it is valid, regardless of how long ago it happened. “Everyone grieves differently; there is no right or wrong way and there is no schedule,” says Ashley Curiel, PsyD.
  • Draw your relatives and friends closer to you. It may include the people who were close and special to your loved one. In times of pain, you will need a healthy support system.
  • Plan a diversion. Whenever you remember your loved one’s death, you can plan or schedule a gathering, a date, or an adventure with your closest friends or relatives.
  • Start a new tradition. You can donate to a charitable organization in honor of your loved one’s name. Other ideas can be a tree-planting event, fundraising, or charity run/walk.
  • Turn to your faith. If you have a particular religious affiliation, this is the time to seek your heart’s peace and solace through spiritual activities.
  • Reminisce the beautiful memories you shared with your loved one. Those beautiful moments with them will last with you forever. Hold on to those and remember the life he or she had instead of thinking over his or her last days.
  • Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to be happy too. Slowly learn to move on, and free yourself from the pain which you will eventually figure out.

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“The experience of losing someone we love is a process most everyone endures in a lifetime,” explains Annie Vaughn, MA, LMHC. There is no “correct” way to grieve. Each of us is unique, and not everyone has the same range of emotions. We do things differently to overcome this kind of heartbreak. However, grieving over the death of a loved one is necessary for us to move on. It is a natural human process, after all.

Can Exercise Help Alleviate Grieving?

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Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—these are the universally accepted stages that individuals experience and hopefully survive when feeling grief. Managing grief is a topic that plenty of people stay away from. It is not usually a teachable skill or an action that we practice regularly. What we can only rely on are our instincts and observations of people who have been through the loss of someone they loved.

The Harsh Effects Of Grief

“Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time.” That is according to Kevin Stevenson, LMHC, MCAP. Emotions can overwhelm even the best of us when suffering from the loss of someone loved. Sadness, loneliness, and helplessness are but a few of the many adverse effects of grief. Although it is a natural process that has its beginning and end, it can deal a significant blow to your longevity and mental health. You can manage it in different ways, but the symptoms and effects stay mainly the same. Below are several bad results that it may cause.

  • Substance abuse or addiction is arguably the worst and most common possible outcome caused by grief. Drugs and alcohols are easy escapes from a world filled with pain and tragedy, but they deal with deadly consequences to your social, emotional, and physical health. As Alicia H. Clark, PsyD elaborates, “Rooted in a belief that we can’t handle how we are feeling, believing our anxiety is dangerous just might be the most damaging approach we can take to coping with it.”
  • Depression is a mood disorder that causes low energy levels, a permanent feeling of loneliness, and a lack of interest or passion in things provided by life. Depression, when left untreated, can be harmful and fatal.
  • Anxiety is a prevalent feeling, but it is difficult when it becomes chronic. Heightened alertness and levels of fear will lead to an increase in heart rate and blood pressure, which can ultimately lead to heart-related issues.
  • “No one is born knowing how to cope with the wave of grief that follows the death of someone we love. As a psychotherapist who’s worked with many grievers, I know when faced with overwhelming grief, many people feel like they are alone in what they’re experiencing and can feel like they’re going crazy.” Debbie Augenthaler, LMHC, NCC once said.
  • Grief is conceptually psychological but is fully capable of negatively affecting your immune system. If the immune system underperforms, your body will become a gateway to a host of diseases and ailments.

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Exercise Does Help

When you exercise, you spur the production of endorphins, hormones that relieve stress, and grant a positive attitude. Studies have proven that it also lowers the risk of heart-related ailments, diabetes, and arthritis. Exercise improves the function of both your nervous system and immune system, reducing the risk of negative thoughts and actions and sickness. “Regular exercise helps you relieve stress and may help prevent or reduce depression. Aerobic exercise and yoga have been found to be particularly beneficial for reducing stress and improving mood,” says ADAA member Stephanie Kriesberg, PsyD.

In essence, committing to exercise will give you boosts in all aspects of life. It keeps you away from evil thoughts and behaviors. It also improves your self-confidence and is a clean and safe method you can use to battle your inner demons when going through the grieving process.

  • Consistency is key. As long as you are committed and constant in performing physical activity, the intensity will not matter. Stick to your schedule or routine, and the benefits will come.
  • Make it convenient. You do go outdoors or enroll in a gym to exercise. Try to find ways to make your exercise routine accessible and easy to do. Bodyweight workouts and yoga mats can go a long way.
  • Engage your senses. Appreciate the little things in life. When you go out for a run, listen to the chirping of the birds or the rustling of the leaves. When lifting weights, try to focus on your muscles or listen to music.

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Grief is a natural response that we feel when we have lost loved ones. However, if we settle with the grieving process, we develop unhealthy habits and tendencies. Exercise can help redirect our feelings and energy to something more positive. If we commit to positivity, we create positivity within ourselves and become stronger and more resilient as a result.

 

Coping With Your Job While Dealing With Grief As Recommended By Therapists

The death of our loved one can be life’s most challenging experience for you. This setback takes a toll on both your physical and emotional health. Unfortunately, most employers expect their employees to go back to their regular work routine after several days of grieving. It’s not that simple, though. Here are therapists’ recommendations on how you can cope.

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Remember That Not Everyone Knows

“Experiencing a significant loss such as losing a loved one, a pet, a relationship, or a job can bring on feelings of grief that can be extremely overwhelming. Typical feelings associated with grief include sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, and confusion.” –Tali Yuz Berliner, Psy.D.

There are several instances that you might feel that your co-workers are a little bit insensitive. However, always remember that not everyone knows you are grieving. Do not expect your employer to inform everyone of what happened. They might tell a small group of people such as your department, division, and immediate supervisor. Then, they’ll trust the word will get around.

If you want your peers to know your loved one has passed away, there are various ways to reach out to them:

  • Posting in your social media pages such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter
  • Asking your closest co-worker, supervisor, or the Human Resources Department to inform other employees on your behalf
  • Sending out cards and letters
  • Telling your friends through emails, texts, or phone calls
  • Holding a meeting with your other co-workers the moment you come back to the office

Directly telling your co-workers is better than letting other people do this since this can be your chance to inform how they can help you in your grieving process. For example, you can let them know whether it’s okay to mention the name of your deceased loved one or if you’d prefer not to talk about them.

Maximize Your Available Resources

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Some big companies have employee assistance programs. These programs include availing free counseling sessions for those who are having a difficult time in their personal and work life. You might be a little hesitant to try this, but it’s worth it.

Familiarize Yourself With The Bereavement Policy

Most companies have existing bereavement policies. A study by the Society for Human Resource Management in 2016 found 81% of employers give paid bereavement leave for the death of a loved one. This bereavement leave usually lasts for up to 5 days. Other employees even extend this up to 10 to 15 days if they know that you will be flying out of the state for the funeral.

Talk To Your Boss Or Anyone From The Human Resource Department

Believe it or not, the big bosses will cut you some slack in this trying time. If you feel you need some temporary changes with your job, tell them. For example, you may ask them for an option to work from home for a week or two. Assure them you will be submitting excellent output to them and you will be attending meetings physically should it be necessary.

This move can help you adjust to your working life again without having to stress too much with your grief.

Find A Quiet Place At Work

Grief is a rollercoaster ride. You may be doing fine one minute but feel waves of loneliness the next.  Then, “Sometimes people seem to deny, to be in a daze, but these are all coping mechanisms.” Curt Drennen, PsyD, RN said. Since the grieving state puts you in an unstable position, it is best if you find a quiet place where you can retreat should the need arise. The last thing you want to do is break down in the middle of your work station or surrounded by your co-workers in a conference room.

Your quiet place may vary depending on your work environment. If you have your own office, your retreat can be as simple as closing the door. If this is not possible, however, you may use the corner bathroom, the broom closet, or the bench outside the office as your temporary quiet place.

Accept That You Are Not At Your 101 Percent

There might be instances when you’ll feel guilty you are not producing the same quality output as before. Feeling this negative emotion is normal, but it is also reasonable to not be at your 101% after the death of your loved one.

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Some people assume life goes on after the funeral, so they have to go back to their routine on day 1. However, that’s not that always the case. There are times you’ll get distracted or lost in your thoughts while doing your report. There might be even instances when you’ll feel incompetent because your work might be full of mistakes. Do not worry. You’ll eventually get there at your own time. “Understand that grief comes in waves. It is natural to feel numb at times and “normal” at others. You might continue to grieve for months or years. It is okay.” Ashley Curiel, PsyD said.

These are only several ways on how to cope with work while grieving. Remember, do not beat yourself too much. Things will get better in time.

The Five People You Need In Times Of Grief

Losing someone you love can break your heart into a million little pieces. Everything in your life suddenly becomes dark and challenging to handle. You will start to lose focus because of the emotional pain that you feel every single day. At the same time, it will be difficult to find reasons to keep going. According to psychologists, these emotions are only normal for someone who is in the grieving process. Fortunately, there is always a way out of this situation.

 

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In this article, we are going to focus on how one can overcome grief by finding the right connections or relationships with specific individuals. As early as now, we want to emphasize that sometimes, all you need to feel better is to establish a connection with different individuals who can make you feel better about the situation. Make sure to read this article to identify who are the five people that you need during the time of grief:

 

Someone Who Knows How To Listen

 

“Why talk about your problems including mental health challenges? Just talking about your situation to someone can reduce your stress and help you feel better.” Dr. Aaron Kaplan, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist suggests. But of course, you need to be with someone who can listen to your non-stop complaints and cries about how harsh life has become for you. He is the kind of person who will not discourage you from opening up because he does not find you annoying. Instead, he understands your pain, which is why he is willing to listen to whatever it is that you will tell him. This individual also knows how difficult it is to survive the empty feeling you get the moment you find out that someone you love has died.

 

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Someone Who Says The Right Words

 

There are also instances when you have to be with a person who can connect with you through his advice. Look for someone who can say the right words so that he can make sense of the situation. This time, you must be the one who must be a good listener. Let the other person motivate you to keep going through his life advice. Do not shut him right away when you think that there is something wrong with his words. Instead, let him know politely that you disagree about what he has said.

 

Someone To Cheer You Up

 

Another person that you need in your life during the grieving process is one who is cheerful and happy all the time. Let the positivity and energy of this individual inspire you to enjoy life to the fullest. Learn from the ways of his happy person so that you can become like him too. All you have to do is to spend more time with this individual and allow him to bring in more good vibes in your life. Sometimes, you have to accept the reality that there is nothing that you can do but to move on from an unfortunate event. Cliché as it may sound, but it makes sense to laugh your problem off.

 

Someone To Share The Pain With You

 

During the moment of grief, it is essential for you to spend time with someone who can relate to your pain. This person is also grieving because of the similar experience that you had. Let your pain connect you with one other and help you get out of the situation. This individual can be a family, relative, or a close friend. If you are going through therapy, then this person may be someone from a support group. Do not hesitate to discuss or share your thoughts and emotions to this person. Sometimes, you have to let them out if it means giving yourself a chance to heal. “By building a list of people that you trust, with whom you can talk to in times of need, you allow yourself a strong sense of not being alone.” David Klow, a licensed therapist said.

 

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Someone To Treat Your Depression

 

Most of the time, grief and depression come together when a person loses a special someone. “Sadly, only a small percentage of people actively seek professional help for their mental health problems,” says Sal Raichbach, PsyD. So if you believe that you are also depressed because of the passing of a loved one, it is best to start seeking professional help. Do not be afraid to find a therapist or counselor who can suggest the right treatment that you can try so that you can overcome grief and depression. All you must do is to look for a mental health expert who has a good record in your local area. Book an appointment and avail of his services as soon as possible.

 

We understand that there is no easy way to overcome your grief. As such, find time to be with the persons enumerated above so that you can help yourself expedite the process.

 

Advantages Of Online Therapy

Are you aware that the number of people who have decided to end their lives has increased over the past few years? According to an online therapist, many of these individuals are teenagers who still have a lot of things ahead in their lives. It is such a sad reality that even at their early age, they have already considered the idea of suicide. As you probably know by now, depression is one of the common causes of suicide. Because of this, it is crucial for everyone to learn more about the ways on how to improve one’s mental health as well as to try online therapy as a mode to overcome personal issues or problems.

 

a woman going online in a coffee shop for a therapy. Therapy can explain what you're going through and how to manage the situation
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Why Online Therapy?

“Therapy helps people to develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships, become free of old patterns, or simply find ways to process pain or memories that have kept them feeling stuck.” Dr. Mitch Keil, clinical psychologist said. In this article, our primary focus would be geared towards using online therapy as the ultimate treatment to help a person have a better mental health condition.  Below are some of the benefits of online therapy— reasons to consider for your own good:

Benefits Of Online Therapy

Online Therapy Helps You Realize What You’re Going Through

Are there times when you feel like you are not good enough for anyone? Does it make you feel upset whenever you remember what you do as well as your plans in the future? Are you afraid of a lot of things in your life? If you answered yes to all these questions, then there is a possibility that you are going through a challenging phase. Unfortunately, it is not an easy thing to understand this situation, which is why you may need to find an online therapist who can help you get a better understanding of everything that is happening in your life. In so doing, you will become a better version of yourself.

Online Therapy Teaches You To Move On Even If You Are Hurting

The best part about online therapy is that it will enable you to see all the good and better things in your life. No matter how difficult your current situation is or how impossible it may seem, be sure never to give up. What you need to do is to keep moving even if you are suffering from emotional pain. Do not worry because you can always do something about this. All you have to make is to schedule an appointment with your chosen online therapist. Through sessions, you will be able to discover more reasons why it is best to keep going than to give up.

 

A woman online attending her scheduled therapy. In online counseling, you will be allowed to discuss your thoughts and emotions. This is one of the benefits-- you get to talk your heart out.
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Online Therapy Lets You Have Someone To Open Up To

One of the significant benefits of online therapy is that you can talk about anything you want to the professional. During your time for the online therapy session, the therapist will give the floor to you wherein you will be allowed to discuss your thoughts and emotions. There is nothing that you say that can be divulged by the said professional to the public. Because of this, it will be easier for you to talk about things that bother you or those that can you so much pain. When you continue to talk about these topics, you will begin to realize that you somehow feel a sting of relief. The reason for this is that opening up about your problems can already be therapeutic.

Get Help At Little Costs

Do you think that you need some professional help in handling your current situation? Are you on the verge of giving up your hopes and dreams? Before you do so, do not hesitate to get in touch with a therapist or counselor. Let this professional provide you with the help or support that you need. The best part of all is that if you choose online therapy, you have a better chance of saving up on the costs because all sessions will be completed online. It means that you no longer need to leave your house before you can talk to a professional therapist. But remember, “A good therapist should be open and willing to understand your concerns. If your counselor doesn’t take your concerns seriously or is unwilling to accept feedback, then it’s probably in your best interest to consult with another therapist about it.” Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC said. Moreover, you can also save up time since the sessions can be done even at the comforts of your own home or office.

 

One of the benefits of online counseling is you can do your sessions any time, no matter what you're doing.
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Online Therapy Insight

Online therapy is probably one of the best things that ever happened in the field of psychology.  However, “This kind of effort takes a fair amount of commitment and understanding of the online world.” John M. Grohol, Psy.D.  said. Be sure to take advantage of its availability before it is too late. Keep in mind that some companies offer affordable online therapy beneficial sessions. You have to grab this opportunity so that you can have a better and happier life.

 

Understanding And Coping With Survivor Guilt

When a devastating accident causes the death of loved ones, especially family, and leaves us unharmed with just a few scratches, often we thank the stars for the big save, but others sulk in guilt, anger, and shame. Relatives tell you how happy they are that you’re safe, but deep inside you can’t shake that feeling of, “Why not me,” or, “Why didn’t I just die with them,” or worst, “How could I have not done anything to save them?”

These blame-worthy remarks are real and can come from an individual experiencing survivor guilt.

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