Author: Willie Stewart

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Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—these are the universally accepted stages that individuals experience and hopefully survive when feeling grief. Managing grief is a topic that plenty of people stay away from. It is not usually a teachable skill or an action that we practice regularly. What we can only rely on are our instincts and observations of people who have been through the loss of someone they loved.

The Harsh Effects Of Grief

“Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time.” That is according to Kevin Stevenson, LMHC, MCAP. Emotions can overwhelm even the best of us when suffering from the loss of someone loved. Sadness, loneliness, and helplessness are but a few of the many adverse effects of grief. Although it is a natural process that has its beginning and end, it can deal a significant blow to your longevity and mental health. You can manage it in different ways, but the symptoms and effects stay mainly the same. Below are several bad results that it may cause.

• Substance abuse or addiction is arguably the worst and most common possible outcome caused by grief. Drugs and alcohols are easy escapes from a world filled with pain and tragedy, but they deal with deadly consequences to your social, emotional, and physical health. As Alicia H. Clark, PsyD elaborates, “Rooted in a belief that we can’t handle how we are feeling, believing our anxiety is dangerous just might be the most damaging approach we can take to coping with it.”
• Depression is a mood disorder that causes low energy levels, a permanent feeling of loneliness, and a lack of interest or passion in things provided by life. Depression, when left untreated, can be harmful and fatal.
• Anxiety is a prevalent feeling, but it is difficult when it becomes chronic. Heightened alertness and levels of fear will lead to an increase in heart rate and blood pressure, which can ultimately lead to heart-related issues.
• “No one is born knowing how to cope with the wave of grief that follows the death of someone we love. As a psychotherapist who’s worked with many grievers, I know when faced with overwhelming grief, many people feel like they are alone in what they’re experiencing and can feel like they’re going crazy.” Debbie Augenthaler, LMHC, NCC once said.
• Grief is conceptually psychological but is fully capable of negatively affecting your immune system. If the immune system underperforms, your body will become a gateway to a host of diseases and ailments.

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Exercise Does Help

When you exercise, you spur the production of endorphins, hormones that relieve stress, and grant a positive attitude. Studies have proven that it also lowers the risk of heart-related ailments, diabetes, and arthritis. Exercise improves the function of both your nervous system and immune system, reducing the risk of negative thoughts and actions and sickness. “Regular exercise helps you relieve stress and may help prevent or reduce depression. Aerobic exercise and yoga have been found to be particularly beneficial for reducing stress and improving mood,” says ADAA member Stephanie Kriesberg, PsyD.

In essence, committing to exercise will give you boosts in all aspects of life. It keeps you away from evil thoughts and behaviors. It also improves your self-confidence and is a clean and safe method you can use to battle your inner demons when going through the grieving process.

• Consistency is key. As long as you are committed and constant in performing physical activity, the intensity will not matter. Stick to your schedule or routine, and the benefits will come.
• Make it convenient. You do go outdoors or enroll in a gym to exercise. Try to find ways to make your exercise routine accessible and easy to do. Bodyweight workouts and yoga mats can go a long way.
• Engage your senses. Appreciate the little things in life. When you go out for a run, listen to the chirping of the birds or the rustling of the leaves. When lifting weights, try to focus on your muscles or listen to music.

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Grief is a natural response that we feel when we have lost loved ones. However, if we settle with the grieving process, we develop unhealthy habits and tendencies. Exercise can help redirect our feelings and energy to something more positive. If we commit to positivity, we create positivity within ourselves and become stronger and more resilient as a result.

 

The death of our loved one can be life’s most challenging experience for you. This setback takes a toll on both your physical and emotional health. Unfortunately, most employers expect their employees to go back to their regular work routine after several days of grieving. It’s not that simple, though. Here are therapists’ recommendations on how you can cope.

Remember That Not Everyone Knows

“Experiencing a significant loss such as losing a loved one, a pet, a relationship, or a job can bring on feelings of grief that can be extremely overwhelming. Typical feelings associated with grief include sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, and confusion.” –Tali Yuz Berliner, Psy.D.

There are several instances that you might feel that your co-workers are a little bit insensitive. However, always remember that not everyone knows you are grieving. Do not expect your employer to inform everyone of what happened. They might tell a small group of people such as your department, division, and immediate supervisor. Then, they’ll trust the word will get around.

If you want your peers to know your loved one has passed away, there are various ways to reach out to them:

• Posting in your social media pages such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter
• Asking your closest co-worker, supervisor, or the Human Resources Department to inform other employees on your behalf
• Sending out cards and letters
• Telling your friends through emails, texts, or phone calls
• Holding a meeting with your other co-workers the moment you come back to the office

Directly telling your co-workers is better than letting other people do this since this can be your chance to inform how they can help you in your grieving process. For example, you can let them know whether it’s okay to mention the name of your deceased loved one or if you’d prefer not to talk about them.

Maximize Your Available Resources

Some big companies have employee assistance programs. These programs include availing free counseling sessions for those who are having a difficult time in their personal and work life. You might be a little hesitant to try this, but it’s worth it.

Familiarize Yourself With The Bereavement Policy

Most companies have existing bereavement policies. A study by the Society for Human Resource Management in 2016 found 81% of employers give paid bereavement leave for the death of a loved one. This bereavement leave usually lasts for up to 5 days. Other employees even extend this up to 10 to 15 days if they know that you will be flying out of the state for the funeral.

Talk To Your Boss Or Anyone From The Human Resource Department

Believe it or not, the big bosses will cut you some slack in this trying time. If you feel you need some temporary changes with your job, tell them. For example, you may ask them for an option to work from home for a week or two. Assure them you will be submitting excellent output to them and you will be attending meetings physically should it be necessary.

This move can help you adjust to your working life again without having to stress too much with your grief.

Find A Quiet Place At Work

Grief is a rollercoaster ride. You may be doing fine one minute but feel waves of loneliness the next.  Then, “Sometimes people seem to deny, to be in a daze, but these are all coping mechanisms.” Curt Drennen, PsyD, RN said. Since the grieving state puts you in an unstable position, it is best if you find a quiet place where you can retreat should the need arise. The last thing you want to do is break down in the middle of your work station or surrounded by your co-workers in a conference room.

Your quiet place may vary depending on your work environment. If you have your own office, your retreat can be as simple as closing the door. If this is not possible, however, you may use the corner bathroom, the broom closet, or the bench outside the office as your temporary quiet place.

Accept That You Are Not At Your 101 Percent

There might be instances when you’ll feel guilty you are not producing the same quality output as before. Feeling this negative emotion is normal, but it is also reasonable to not be at your 101% after the death of your loved one.

Some people assume life goes on after the funeral, so they have to go back to their routine on day 1. However, that’s not that always the case. There are times you’ll get distracted or lost in your thoughts while doing your report. There might be even instances when you’ll feel incompetent because your work might be full of mistakes. Do not worry. You’ll eventually get there at your own time. “Understand that grief comes in waves. It is natural to feel numb at times and “normal” at others. You might continue to grieve for months or years. It is okay.” Ashley Curiel, PsyD said.

These are only several ways on how to cope with work while grieving. Remember, do not beat yourself too much. Things will get better in time.

Losing someone you love can break your heart into a million little pieces. Everything in your life suddenly becomes dark and challenging to handle. You will start to lose focus because of the emotional pain that you feel every single day. At the same time, it will be difficult to find reasons to keep going. According to psychologists, these emotions are only normal for someone who is in the grieving process. Fortunately, there is always a way out of this situation.

 

 

In this article, we are going to focus on how one can overcome grief by finding the right connections or relationships with specific individuals. As early as now, we want to emphasize that sometimes, all you need to feel better is to establish a connection with different individuals who can make you feel better about the situation. Make sure to read this article to identify who are the five people that you need during the time of grief:

 

Someone Who Knows How To Listen

 

“Why talk about your problems including mental health challenges? Just talking about your situation to someone can reduce your stress and help you feel better.” Dr. Aaron Kaplan, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist suggests. But of course, you need to be with someone who can listen to your non-stop complaints and cries about how harsh life has become for you. He is the kind of person who will not discourage you from opening up because he does not find you annoying. Instead, he understands your pain, which is why he is willing to listen to whatever it is that you will tell him. This individual also knows how difficult it is to survive the empty feeling you get the moment you find out that someone you love has died.

 

 

Someone Who Says The Right Words

 

There are also instances when you have to be with a person who can connect with you through his advice. Look for someone who can say the right words so that he can make sense of the situation. This time, you must be the one who must be a good listener. Let the other person motivate you to keep going through his life advice. Do not shut him right away when you think that there is something wrong with his words. Instead, let him know politely that you disagree about what he has said.

 

Someone To Cheer You Up

 

Another person that you need in your life during the grieving process is one who is cheerful and happy all the time. Let the positivity and energy of this individual inspire you to enjoy life to the fullest. Learn from the ways of his happy person so that you can become like him too. All you have to do is to spend more time with this individual and allow him to bring in more good vibes in your life. Sometimes, you have to accept the reality that there is nothing that you can do but to move on from an unfortunate event. Cliché as it may sound, but it makes sense to laugh your problem off.

 

Someone To Share The Pain With You

 

During the moment of grief, it is essential for you to spend time with someone who can relate to your pain. This person is also grieving because of the similar experience that you had. Let your pain connect you with one other and help you get out of the situation. This individual can be a family, relative, or a close friend. If you are going through therapy, then this person may be someone from a support group. Do not hesitate to discuss or share your thoughts and emotions to this person. Sometimes, you have to let them out if it means giving yourself a chance to heal. “By building a list of people that you trust, with whom you can talk to in times of need, you allow yourself a strong sense of not being alone.” David Klow, a licensed therapist said.

 

 

Someone To Treat Your Depression

 

Most of the time, grief and depression come together when a person loses a special someone. “Sadly, only a small percentage of people actively seek professional help for their mental health problems,” says Sal Raichbach, PsyD. So if you believe that you are also depressed because of the passing of a loved one, it is best to start seeking professional help. Do not be afraid to find a therapist or counselor who can suggest the right treatment that you can try so that you can overcome grief and depression. All you must do is to look for a mental health expert who has a good record in your local area. Book an appointment and avail of his services as soon as possible.

 

We understand that there is no easy way to overcome your grief. As such, find time to be with the persons enumerated above so that you can help yourself expedite the process.

 

Are you aware that the number of people who have decided to end their lives has increased over the past few years? According to an online therapist, many of these individuals are teenagers who still have a lot of things ahead in their lives. It is such a sad reality that even at their early age, they have already considered the idea of suicide. As you probably know by now, depression is one of the common causes of suicide. Because of this, it is crucial for everyone to learn more about the ways on how to improve one’s mental health as well as to try online therapy as a mode to overcome personal issues or problems.

 

Why Online Therapy?

“Therapy helps people to develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships, become free of old patterns, or simply find ways to process pain or memories that have kept them feeling stuck.” Dr. Mitch Keil, clinical psychologist said. In this article, our primary focus would be geared towards using online therapy as the ultimate treatment to help a person have a better mental health condition.  Below are some of the benefits of online therapy— reasons to consider for your own good:

Benefits Of Online Therapy

Online Therapy Helps You Realize What You’re Going Through

Are there times when you feel like you are not good enough for anyone? Does it make you feel upset whenever you remember what you do as well as your plans in the future? Are you afraid of a lot of things in your life? If you answered yes to all these questions, then there is a possibility that you are going through a challenging phase. Unfortunately, it is not an easy thing to understand this situation, which is why you may need to find an online therapist who can help you get a better understanding of everything that is happening in your life. In so doing, you will become a better version of yourself.

Online Therapy Teaches You To Move On Even If You Are Hurting

The best part about online therapy is that it will enable you to see all the good and better things in your life. No matter how difficult your current situation is or how impossible it may seem, be sure never to give up. What you need to do is to keep moving even if you are suffering from emotional pain. Do not worry because you can always do something about this. All you have to make is to schedule an appointment with your chosen online therapist. Through sessions, you will be able to discover more reasons why it is best to keep going than to give up.

 

Online Therapy Lets You Have Someone To Open Up To

One of the significant benefits of online therapy is that you can talk about anything you want to the professional. During your time for the online therapy session, the therapist will give the floor to you wherein you will be allowed to discuss your thoughts and emotions. There is nothing that you say that can be divulged by the said professional to the public. Because of this, it will be easier for you to talk about things that bother you or those that can you so much pain. When you continue to talk about these topics, you will begin to realize that you somehow feel a sting of relief. The reason for this is that opening up about your problems can already be therapeutic.

Get Help At Little Costs

Do you think that you need some professional help in handling your current situation? Are you on the verge of giving up your hopes and dreams? Before you do so, do not hesitate to get in touch with a therapist or counselor. Let this professional provide you with the help or support that you need. The best part of all is that if you choose online therapy, you have a better chance of saving up on the costs because all sessions will be completed online. It means that you no longer need to leave your house before you can talk to a professional therapist. But remember, “A good therapist should be open and willing to understand your concerns. If your counselor doesn’t take your concerns seriously or is unwilling to accept feedback, then it’s probably in your best interest to consult with another therapist about it.” Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC said. Moreover, you can also save up time since the sessions can be done even at the comforts of your own home or office.

 

Online Therapy Insight

Online therapy is probably one of the best things that ever happened in the field of psychology.  However, “This kind of effort takes a fair amount of commitment and understanding of the online world.” John M. Grohol, Psy.D.  said. Be sure to take advantage of its availability before it is too late. Keep in mind that some companies offer affordable online therapy beneficial sessions. You have to grab this opportunity so that you can have a better and happier life.

 

When a devastating accident causes the death of loved ones, especially family, and leaves us unharmed with just a few scratches, often we thank the stars for the big save, but others sulk in guilt, anger, and shame. Relatives tell you how happy they are that you’re safe, but deep inside you can’t shake that feeling of, “Why not me,” or, “Why didn’t I just die with them,” or worst, “How could I have not done anything to save them?”

These blame-worthy remarks are real and can come from an individual experiencing survivor guilt.

Continue reading “Understanding And Coping With Survivor Guilt”

To feel lost, sad, and lonely after the death of a loved one seems a natural way to grieve.  But sometimes, guilt feeling, trauma, confusion, shame, and rejection are overlooked.  When not given proper attention, the real grieving turns out to be complicated that it could lead to depression, PTSD, and sometimes suicide.

 

Complicated Grief

There are many stages to grieving.  When someone close to you died (often unexpectedly), you can suffer from complicated grief, which is a much stronger and serious grieving.  It may cause you to avoid going out, attending social activities.  You may have thoughts or wishes that you should have died, too.

“Individuals may avoid discussing the loss as well as avoid people or places that are associated with their grief. This experience can put an individual in a vulnerable position with regard to their mental health.” Tali Yuz Berliner, Psy.D. said. A person suffering from complicated grief needed added support and healing resources to cope with his loss.  If left untreated, it can leave him with a long-term functioning impairment.

My sister-in-law decided to live overseas with her new family, leaving her loving father in their home alone.  After 10 years, she came back to be with him.  Seeing how her father has aged, she felt a pinch of pain inside of her.  After a few months, he had a heart attack and died.  She blamed herself for not being able to spend much longer time with him.  Months had passed, but she’s still grieving over the loss.  She refused to go back to Canada, and just requested the family to move back here.  She would suddenly burst into tears almost every day, blaming herself.  She’s even neglecting her responsibilities to her two kids.

“The closer your connection and the more intense the loss, the more profound the emptiness may feel.” Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD explains. Her guilt for not being able to take care of her father interferes with her coping process.  She started saying things to her daughter, and even contemplating suicide.  We decided to bring her to a psychotherapist to address whatever is happening in her.  She was referred to undergo complicated grief treatment.

 

Guilt And Adjustment

Guilt is the primary factor why my sis-in-law suffers from complicated bereavement.  She feels worthless and has thoughts that she has done nothing for her father.  Despite the fact that she lived abroad for 10 years, she finds it hard to adjust to the fact that she has to go on without her father to take care of.

While in Canada, she also suffered mild depression brought by being away from her family.  She got better in time through meds and therapy.  This could have made her situation worse.

 

Treatment And Suicide Prevention

Antidepressants are recommended to address the depression that resulted from the grief.  She is undergoing talk therapy so she can express her deepest emotions with someone who listens without judgment.  It’s essential that she is surrounded by people who will not argue or yell at her so she’ll not feel threatened.

 

The focus of her treatment now is to prevent her from acting out on her suicidal thoughts.  Somebody has to be with her 24/7.   We are making sure that she is surrounded by familiar people (friends and relatives) that care for her.  Her husband and daughters shower her with attention and make her feel loved and needed.  That way, she may be able to get back to her usual self.

Losing someone dear to you is hard, and even harder to see people close to you suffering so much because of that loss which no one can prevent from happening.

Whether her being suicidal is due to the chemical imbalance in her brain, guilt feeling, or adjustment difficulty, the fact that she needs help should not be ignored.

If someone you know is suffering from severe grief or severe depression, encourage her to seek help because this is something no one should take for granted. Remember, “Many people who end up killing themselves have mentioned suicide to someone directly or in directly, so take them seriously.” Torey C. Richards, LMHC said.

Getting through with all the stress of losing someone is hard and the fact that you have to understand the painful experience, you will need to stay focused on the different kind of recovery you will need. Losing the most special someone in your life is devastating, and the pain is immeasurable. However, life has to go on even if it’s difficult. It is what the living needs to do. Time will not make things better because it will only teach you how to accept things for what they are.

Even with the death of your husband or wife, it is significant to remember that you are not alone. It is a way for you to handle the grieving process successfully. The family, friends, your sons, and daughters (if you have any) will give you all the reasons you need to start your life again and live wholeheartedly. Continue reading “Losing The Love Of Your Life – The Brief Therapy”